We’ve read it in romantic novels and seen it in movies but why is that sex in real life is sometimes not as good as it seems?

Often couples lose steam and do not initiate sex and intimacy. Most attribute this to an aging body and boredom but the truth is a bad sex life is because of some hidden fears about the great act of love.

Pregnancy fears
Despite so many options out there, most women are constantly under a fear of unwanted pregnancy while in bed with their partners. This is a major factor that prevents them from having a good time in the sack. In fact, many women openly admit to not wanting to make love because of this sole reason. While practicing safe sex is crucial to a healthy relationship, it is also vital to have an open communication with your partner and reassure them of adopting preventive measures during the act. Use a mode of protection that’s best suited to you and your partner and understand its likelihood and limitations to prevent pregnancy.

Body issues
This is a common fear among women but many men suffer from it too. Thunder thighs, flabby stomach and stretch marks are some of the fears that make the fairer sex feel less desirable. In addition, consciousness pertaining specifically to their lady parts triggers major sex jitters. In such a scenario, the best thing is to air out your reservations otherwise it may affect your relationship in a negative manner. Remember gentlemen it is imperative that you communicate to your lady friends that love goes beyond physical appearance. Build your beloved’s confidence by showering her with compliments every now and then. You can also persuade her to join a health club or yoga class or better still, sign up with her to stimulate intimacy.

Emotional Issues
Men and women are afraid of heartbreak. They consider sex to be a doorway to the emotional quotient of their relationship. If the act doesn’t go well, or is below expectations, most fear it will cause a rift between couples. It could be hard for some to feel connected and enjoy making love, if a caring and nurturing experience is absent. A lot of people are also terribly intimidated by sex. Many have been raised to believe it is wrong. As a result they view the act in a different way and are unable to relax. Understanding that sex is natural, healthy and significant is a vital step towards overcoming these inhibitions.

Performance pressure
Men become fearful of sexual intimacy when they are unable to perform in bed despite their best intentions. Inability to perform emasculates men leading them to fear subsequent interactions. Lack of performance can usually be contributed to tiredness, too much alcohol, distraction and worry. The best way out is to address the issue immediately rather than avoid making love fearing failure. If performance anxiety leaves men weak in the knees, the powerlessness to reach an ‘orgasm’ is what makes women equally apprehensive about their sexual abilities. The key to satisfying love-making is to relax and enjoy the journey rather than concentrating on whether either of you have reached climax or not.

Edited by Neelam Goswami on 04-03-2014.

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